Saturday 1st April. That "Other Half"! He's got a very strange sense of humour. He came up to my paddock this morning and got me really excited. "Today was the Day" he said. "This is what you've been waiting for!" he said. "We're going to the GIRLS field now!" he said..

So I dutifully followed him, trying to contain my excitement, shot through the gate, only to find the field empty! They'd been moved!  "Ha! Ha! April Fool!" he said. Well, I don't think it's very funny!. I'd never even heard of April Fools Day. But anyway, I got to eat THEIR hay, and I got my revenge, later.

We trotted off to change fields AGAIN, at the end of the day, when I accidentally tripped him up into the mud. Oh, dear! He seemed to think it was me getting my own back. But of course it wasn't! Honest! (Ha! Ha!)

Sunday 2nd April. Now's my chance! "Sexy Legs" has been moved into a paddock with that baby - Boadie, all on their own. I mean, like, away from her "mummy"! Which means, of course, un-chaperoned! And into the field NEXT DOOR to me! 

Which also means, I have a chance of slipping through the gate when the "Boss" goes in to feed her! Or maybe I can tunnel under the wire. Or maybe I could climb over it. Or maybe I'll just hum sweetly at her over the fence. Perhaps I'll get Fred here to play an accompaniment - he hums soprano since the VET came to see him!

Sunday 9th April. Due to the continuing fine weather, "BOSS" and the "Other Half" are feeling very energetic, and have decided to continue halter training with the kids, Barley and Barney, and for this I had a ringside seat for the show.

Barley, being the brighter of the pair, obviously took a leaf out of my book (or Diary), and allowed himself to be caught quite quickly. He acted quite sensibly for all of at least three minutes.

Having shown the BOSS he was quite capable of doing what was asked of him, he then proceeded to act "the giddy goat" (or stupid alpaca, if you prefer) by dancing around on his hind legs or rolling about with his legs in the air.

With a professional flourish to end his antics he threw his head up, planted his feet in all directions, and became The Immovable Object! I couldn't have done better myself! After several minutes of immobility from Barley, BOSS marched off to catch Barnaby, leaving "Other Half" to cope on his own, at which point Barley completely changed, and with "Other Half" he walked quietly and calmly around the paddock! (He's just as frightened of her as the rest of us!)

Barnaby provided less entertainment, and was really quite boring; doing everything perfectly without any fuss (provided he was bribed, of course, with food).

Sunday 16th April. Happy Easter! At least for some. Did I get chocolate eggs? NO!  Did I get spat at! YES! Let me explain......

They say there is a reason for everything; - as yet I have not had that visit to the VET, because not only am I an "Alpaca of Distinction", I am a very USEFUL "Alpaca of Distinction"!. I may be younger than those two "macho" guys, but I know what IT's all about!

Today was almost my BIG day! There was a catch-pen full of young ladies - well maybe not quite so young- in their beautiful winter attire, just waiting for me. However, I had to run the gauntlet, in my most dignified manner you understand, through the paddock with the baby girls, and did they chase after me!

Keeping my cool, I sauntered through ignoring their playful antics (actually, it was very scary,but not as scary as what happened next). I was led into the catch-pen on my halter to face the assembled "Ladies". I was told by BOSS "Don't be frightened, they won't hurt you, they should all be pregnant. If they are pregnant, they will all spit at you - a little bit!

Oh my Word! Did I say "Ladies"? Did the BOSS say "a LITTLE bit of spit"? Meand "Other Half" were covered in green, smelly goo! "Oh, GOOD!" said BOSS. ("Oh God!" said "Other Half")  "Well that's those pregnant", then she turned to me, said I was a good boy, and "we'll give it another try next month!" - I DON'T THINK SO! Why can't they just wait and see? It's only a few months and the mystery will be solved.

A little later, I was feeling much better, because another one of my fans who sends me adoring e-mails visited me to appreciate me in the flesh (well, in the fleece, anyway). She told me how beautiful and clever I was-  I know I am, but it's always nice to be told the obvious - so another day ended on a "high"!

Wednesday 19th April. Was it something I said? It's very quiet here today. "Other Half" came in and gave me my breakfast as usual, then rushed away indoors! No, it's all right. I just heard that "Other Half" is hard at it on the computer tidying up the web site to show ME off better and will be back out again, soon. He'd better hurry, though, "BOSS" is pacing around with no one to order about, this could be nasty!

I think I'll keep up the far end of my paddock and appear interested in the new growth of grass. Uh, Oh! Here she comes. She's poking and pulling at my fleece! Have a care! That's attached! No, it's O.K. - BOSS is looking for "Inspiration" for a new baby knitting pattern (Funny creatures, these humans. Fancy knitting babies - I think OUR way is MUCH more fun!)

Talking of fun,  I'm off to talk about "fun" with my friend, Fred. I hear "Sexy Legs" is being moved in next door again, that'll liven things up a bit! Hmm! "FUN"! "Wicked!"

That Fred is REALLY boring! You wouldn't think that after just one visit from the VET  you would lose all interest in "fun", would you!  Ah, well! His loss!  I wonder if I can get the VET to visit Ivory?  Trouble is, it would upset BOSS, and NO-ONE wants to do that!  Then there's Alex - No! I won't go there!

On second thoughts, perhaps Fred has a point about sniffing some hay! The aroma! The bouquet! A good vintage, - summer 2005 if I'm not very much mistaken!.

Thursday 27th April. There's no pleasing these humans.

First the BOSS complains that there's not enough grass to go round, and poor old "Other Half" has to rush around fencing more and more paddocks, NOW she's dashing round my paddock with a LAWNMOWER to try to keep it down!. As if that wasn't enough, the next thing I know, there's this huge great tractor trundling round the field chopping down MY spare grass! What am I gonna eat when I go out for a walk round the paddocks?